Both of Them Dancing

I have two left feet
Both of them came out tonight

Let's be clear about my dancing
Weather. I dance like changing weather
My arms and legs are colleagues
Who've never once worked together
For years I held the drinks
Designated statue by the cloakroom door
But tonight the filter opened
And something in me said: whatever
I stepped on. The floor survived
Early signs: catastrophic. Beautiful
My elbow went somewhere independent
I let it. Delegation

Nobody's grading in here
Nobody ever was
The funk does not require a licence
The funk just requires because

Two left feet!
(Both of them dancing)
Wrong shoes doing their best on the floor —
Two left feet on the floor

Left, left
(Both of them dancing)
Wrong, wrong
Wrong, wrong

Here's what nobody tells the statues
The floor is kind. The floor is kind
A woman matched my broken rhythm
Just so I wouldn't dance alone —
Then her friends matched hers, and suddenly
Eleven people doing my mistake
In perfect unison, a movement
A genre, arguably a school
The DJ saw us and leaned in
My error has a bassline now
The filter sweep salutes our nonsense
Somewhere a dance manual weeps

Nobody's grading in here
Nobody ever was
The funk does not require a licence
The funk just requires because

Two left feet!
(Both of them dancing)
Two left feet on the floor

Two left feet!

Wrong on the one, wrong on the four
Eleven strangers matching my sneakers —
Two left feet on the floor

My sneakers squeak on the offbeat
The drums adopt the squeak. It's canon now
Eleven of us and one squeaky shoe —
A street parade indoors
Technique: absent
Joy: unreasonable
Verdict: dancing

The secret is out by the cloakroom door
All those years holding coats and drinks
Guarding tables that guarded themselves
I thought the floor was an exam room
It's a bath. You just get in
The kettle back at home can wait —
The floor's the only appointment tonight
The water doesn't check your form

Two left feet!
(Both of them dancing)
A whole school of gloriously wrong
The whole floor bent down and picked us up —
Two left feet, all night long

I have two left feet

Two left feet!

Two left feet!

Two left feet!

(A movement, arguably)
Two left feet