Red Swimsuit

Forty-four
Red swimsuit
(High board's open)

Bought it in March. Hid it in April
Rehearsed returning it twice, kept the receipt
In the zip pocket like an escape hatch
Wore a towel like a legal document through May
Twenty years of swimming in a T-shirt
Of getting in quick and low like contraband
Of swimming with my chin up like a periscope
Of leaving early to dry in private
Of holidays spent guarding sunbeds
While everybody else was in the sea
Of group photos I stood at the back of
Holding everyone's sunglasses like a job
I'd applied for by standing still
Then June came to the Jubilee Road lido —
Kids doing bombs to scattered applause
Grandmothers doing lengths like clockwork royalty
A man built like a wardrobe doing delicate breaststroke —
And not one person auditing anyone
The lifeguard was reading a fat paperback
Glancing up on a lazy rhythm, unbothered
Even the seagulls had better things to do

The towel dropped like an opening night
Nobody gasped. Nobody will
Turns out the whole pool's too busy living
To run the numbers on me

Red swimsuit!
(In the sun)
Shoes off, the long way round
Twenty years of towels — not one more summer —
Red swimsuit, high board next

Whose summer?
(Her summer)
Which board?
(The high one!)

The water has no opinion on arrivals
The water's been waiting the whole time
I did lengths in the slow lane like a queen's barge
Greeted the clockwork grandmothers like a colleague —
Inducted, just like that, no ceremony —
Floated on my back in the deep middle
Arms out like a woman signing off a week
With the sky doing its enormous blue thing
And a kid whose bomb I survived said "nice one"
About nothing, about everything
The wardrobe man nodded from the shallow end
One athlete to another
Bought a lolly at the kiosk door. Ate it wet and standing
Rated the divers out of ten with a stranger
We were generous. It was that kind of day
My shoulders went pink in the honest sun
And I let them. Souvenir

The towel stays in the bag now
The bag stays mostly home
Turns out the whole pool's too busy living —
So I got busy too

Red swimsuit!
(In the sun)
Shoes off, the long way round
Twenty years of towels — not one more summer —
Red swimsuit, high board next

Slow lane: cleared
Lolly: earned
High board: eyeing me
The towel's a picnic blanket now
The high board and I have an understanding

Here is what I'd tell March-me
Folding the receipt to return it
The body you're waiting to deserve it
Is the one you're standing in
And it floats
And it has always floated
And the sky's enormous blue thing
Is showing either way

Red swimsuit!
(In the sun)
Jumped the high board, shoes left by the steps
Twenty years of towels — the kid said "nice one" —
Red swimsuit, every summer now

Ten out of ten
(We were generous)
Red swimsuit